Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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