There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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