I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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