apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
