i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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