I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
