12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
