If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
