your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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