I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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