i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
