Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
