was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
