That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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