My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
