Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
