careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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