i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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