you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
false alarm, still single
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
