Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
