After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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