I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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