I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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