that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
