She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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