I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
