what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
