So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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