you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
