Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
