Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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