Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
