Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
