Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
