Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
