it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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