i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
