god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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