So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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