Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What a dumb baby whore.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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