This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize