Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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