Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
