and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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