it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize