A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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