Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize