what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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