I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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