my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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