I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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