I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
