Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
