the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
