I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
