Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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