I think I am morally bankrupt
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
