She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My dad just said "fuck circus"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
