So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
