i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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