OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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