its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize