I wannas sexs uuuuu
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize