so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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