I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
