I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
