i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
